This Little Park, This Side of Heaven
When You first started calling me up here years ago, I had no idea this little park existed... but You did.
Sitting here just putting these thoughts into words Lord, what do you see in me...? It's hard to try and not think back to the events that not only led me to being able to sit here now, feeling the gentle breeze & overlooking the calming water in front of me, but daily it never fails... I am always reminded of the events that led me to You...
Even then, you knew me... even when I was just another 17 year old boy sobbing in defeat and surrender to You in his room... You not only saw me then, but You saw THEN what I see NOW as write to You and feel Your gentle breeze while overlooking the calming water in front of me.
Lord, even now, you truly are SO much more then these gentle breezes and calming waters. You are SO much more than a beautiful night sky or the peaceful lights that are reflective on the water. You truly are wild and BEYOND passionate for me... for us... SO much more then any pursuit this world has or will ever see. You are Jesus on the cross gasping for just a sliver of breath (Matthew 27:46). You are Your powerful Spirit hovering over the waters and bringing life from none (Genesis 1:2). You are the great and powerful I AM that spoke to Moses through that which You created (Exodus 3:14). You are so much more then anything we can imagine or any bit of knowledge that we have of You in Your Word.
And still... you are crazy about us and You invite us to know you intimately.
You are crazy about me. Sitting here tonight Father, I truly am so thankful for this little park... honestly it's one of the smallest parks I've ever seen; however, You know how special this park is to me and how there is no other place on this planet that I rather be right now then here. It blows my mind that I've seen the same water in front of me during winter carry thick amounts of ice blocks down the it and that same river is peacefully hitting the bank with cycles of waves where I sit now. Thinking of You as I sit here now, it's so easy to get lost in the peace and calmness; however, the patrolling border patrol boats and biting mosquitoes remind me that You truly are so much more then ALL the beauty that this world can offer.
That's IT, I give up!!! Back to my car I go... at least here I can reduce the number of mosquitoes that decide to remind me that this world is not my home. Honestly, I can't help but laugh as I type this. Yet it truly does amaze me that even before my fingers go to write these words that are on my heart and mind, You know them completely (Psalm 139:4). We truly can not run from You... we can not escape You. What blows my mind as well Lord? Is the sobering reality that You see through the fluff. You know why I came to this "little park" tonight... You know the chaos in my heart as I sit here... You know the flaws in my person... You know what I lack... You know my worries, fears, hurts, and scars Lord... You know my needs Father... You know my dreams and desires... You know... Oh how You truly know. I can't say it any other way...
I need You Jesus.
I need You so much more then I could ever express.
I truly am nothing without You.
I was such a fool for the years I refused Your open arms of forgiveness....
And I am such a fool now to choose myself and my will over Your will when YOU open my eyes in the morning and YOU remind me even now to breathe!
I am such a fool when I choose this... this world... this "little park"... this "side of heaven" over You.
YOU are what my soul longs for!
YOU alone are all that can truly satisfy!
YOU are my Hope!
YOU are my Savior!
YOU are my Sustainer!
Why do I settle for lesser loves...? Jesus, please use me, I'm Yours.
Thank You for these "little parks"... You know how much this park means to me, but Father, help me see this life as YOU see it...
One day this little park will be no more.
One day this world will be no more.
One day my worries, fears, flaws, and scars will be no more.
One day there will be no more mosquito bites.
One day there will be no more fear, no more tears.
One day there will be no more distance between me and You Jesus... no more distance between those who are reading this now and You Jesus. You truly are more then we could EVER fathom,
But You still care about the "little parks" in our lives and make Yourself accessible for us to truly know You now...
Jesus, thank You that there really is a bigger picture beyond what our tiny eyes can see. Thank You for the little parks this side of heaven.
Forgive us when we settle for this...
May we point one another, and our wandering heart, to You and You alone as we thank You for the little parks in our lives. No matter what Lord,
You are worthy to be praised...
"Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in Your Way everlasting."
- Psalm 139: 23-24