... In Restless Longing.
There's a pain in this chest that's oh so real,real to me now. In this brokenness there's a Grace that's real as well, oh may that Grace truly surround and abound. Inside us all there's a loneliness and need for approval; We're all just restless kids with hearts that are fragile, as every falling tear symphonically cries out loud: "Give us rest".
"All the toil of man is for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied."
- Ecclesiastes 6:7
As I sit here, a familiar feeling of restless longing surrounds me as a haunting reminder that this world is not my home.
You know us even when we don't know ourselves...
God I'm puzzled at Your love and Grace for us... I can, we can NEVER can repay You! Surrender is literally ALL You ask of us... and it's embarrassing that this restless heart can hardly do that... but through it all You don't push us away! You meet us where we are, and You see us for who we are, even in between the arrogant pomp on the outside and the chaotic distress signals that are raging inside! You relentlessly pursue us like a black bear and You Love us too much to leave us in our death!
Only You know us... only You Jesus.
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” - Clive Staples Lewis
I remember sitting in my room, at my desk as a kid, looking out my window oblivious to the fact that the beauty that would draw my eyes off my homework and into the great wonder of the outdoors was from You! Lord, You were with me and working on me when I could care less... goodness God You are so real!! You were there when I was clueless of who You really were, You were there when I would cry myself to sleep then... and You are here when I cry to You through the night now!
We are fully known by You...
Sitting here observing what passes me by and reading Ecclesiastes 6:7... This heart, this mind is overwhelmed! O how there HAS to be MORE than all this temporariness around us that we settle for! There HAS to be MORE then our comfort, our security, our safety, our pleasure, our desires, ourselves!! There HAS to be MORE then a pretty picture or our petty emotions! If we look at this world long enough... it is SO easy to see clearly that there truly is a crack in everything and we are stuck in an endless loop of nothingness apart from You! ALL of this is meaningless apart from You Lord!
God why do we settle for this!?
We are so, so, so scared of Your quite voice that calls our name with every single breath... O God YOU CALL TO US SO MUCH! Even in the mundane, and even in the vanity of daily life we numb ourselves from the reality that there is so many glimpses of utter hell all around us that DEMAND our immediate death to the slavery of self! God break my heart for what breaks Yours! Help me be broken from my lack... from our lack of urgency toward surrendering to You alone!
We numb ourselves with so, so, so many things to prevent us from seeing this world for what it is, ALL BECAUSE we are scared of what we will find if we open ourselves up to the possibility that You are the One that our whole being CRIES and CRAVES FOR! JESUS! May our heavy hearts surrender and fall in surrender to ALL You are!
Starting with me, I'm so tired... I'm so SICK of forgetting so easily, that one day ALL of this life will be no more... NO more! All the anxiety, confusion, doubt, hurt, terror, tears, questions, loneliness, hunger, pain, abandonment, regrets, shame, guilt, sin, death, rebellion, apathy, selfishness, arrogance, laziness, grief, pride, pomp, envy, jealousy, lies, it ALL... all of it... will be no more!! I'm so tired... I'm so tired of the endless wandering around self!
Why do we, why do I waste SO much on SO little?! And despite being reminded of the hope of knowing that one day all of this will be no more...? We STILL are MASTERS at focusing on that which really doesn't matter in light of eternity! Starting with me, and it breaks my heart!
I waste SO much time loosing my eyes and heart on the temporary casually forgetting that one day ALL of this will be no more! We ALL have been given such short time to rise and surrender ALL we have, to ALL that He is, to be used for ALL that we can be, ALL FOR HIS GLORY and HIS PURPOSE not our own! Jesus, YOU ALONE are our Deliverer!
... And at the end of it all? How can we so often forget that EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue will confess the Name of Jesus and that ALL my often reckless tongue, all that OUR often reckless tongues will be able to say at that moment will be "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord God almighty" as we sing a NEW SONG around the throne of our Creator and Savior! (Revelation 4:8, 14:1, 19:1-10, Philippians 2:10-11)
When we have nothing, you give us EVERYTHING! We were made for SO much more than what we settle for... Jesus, please use us...
WE ARE YOURS and apart from YOU we can do NOTHING! (John 15:5)
Forgive us, may we live new through Your blood that You shed for us.
Goodness... we are such sheep. So helpless without You, Shepherd. Forgive us Lord.
Help us choose You and serve You with everything. I'm so done with this endless chase that this world throws in my face every day! May we truly wake up and realize that we will spend eternity right where our hearts spent our time here and now:
surrendered to ourselves and in proud rebellion toward the One who alone gives us life,
surrendered to You Jesus... in awe of the Grace freely given on the cross which You endured for us to KNOW and BE KNOWN by You:
our Creator, Savior, and Sustainer.
Lord, in this restless longing... help us, help me keep it clear... You are all that matters You are our Hope You are our Leader You are our Wisdom You are our Truth You are our Savior You are our Love You are our Strength You are our Life You are our Joy You are our Forgiveness You are our Confidence YOU... It's all about You. Jesus please use me, I'm Yours. WE are Yours. ☝️
May our hearts stop this tug-of-war with trying to make this world our home...
Make us SO dependent on You Lord, take everything that we have until You are all we have! Make us SO dependent on You that in EVERY moment, even now, we thirst and hunger for You and You alone!
May our restless, and longing, hearts cry out:
"Take away all the things I hold so near.
God, these shattered dreams are hard to bear,
when they are falling at Your feet right here."
If this restless longing keeps me dependent on You alone Lord?
May I never find rest here.
Pore me out like an offering for the Glory of Your Name until we are together face to face.
... May we never call this world home.
Come hell or high waters,
take our restless hearts to the ends of the earth declaring Your Name, that alone saves.
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling..." -Paul, 1 Corinthians 2:2-3
"What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short..." -Paul, 1 Corinthians 7:29