Brave New World
"Blank pages for months And the sound of his voice rings in my head Saying I should give up And all that I write is meaningless..."
- Jenny & Tyler, Through Your Eyes
Here we go.
Goodness, I hate fear so much...
But it does feel so good to write that.
For years now the Lord has been steadily putting The Well on my heart; however, the translation from my head to my heart has been "push it back... push it back... it's been years, people moved on...fear... fear..." and on and on the endless invasion of fear upon fear surfaces. It never relents, and in the time away I've noticed that fear specializes in making all captive to one command: Don't Move.
And with all things that stays dormant, dust settles and time passes. 4 years ago I typed my last post here and as I sit to write what you are now reading... so much is on my heart and mind to share.
If I can be honest? These 4 years has brought me the best and the worst days of my life... and I would have it no other way.
With absolute conviction,
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord Who has strengthened me, that He considered me faithful and appointed me to service! I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a violent man; yet because I had acted in ignorance and unbelief, I was shown mercy. And the Grace of our Lord OVERFLOWED to me, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
This is a trustworthy saying, worthy of full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.
But for this very reason I was shown mercy, so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His perfect patience, as an example to those who would believe in Him for eternal life."
-Paul (1 Timothy 12:16)
I feel that Paul communicates my heart much better than any words I can try to craft.
Goodness, You are so good to us, so faithful to us, even when we are faithless toward You!
You call us to be brave when our world turns on it's head. No circumstance escapes Your knowledge No tear escapes Your sight. In our pain, we grow...
These 4 years Father You have shown me that You truly specialize in bringing a color out of the chaos that so easily surrounds.
Every day You have been faithful to me and have grown and humbled me so much! I do not deserve the love, grace, and mercy You've given me... I do not deserve You! Blessed I came into Your family and blessed I still go forward... We all are looking for You... We all are looking for You Daddy!!
You've seen my heart love, You've seen my heart brake, You've seen my friend's weep, You've seen my friends grieve... No words can express the lost of a loved one, or a child, No words can express the terminal sickness of a spouse, or the breakdown of a relationship. I'm so sick, This world is sick, I'm so tired of seeing You turned into nothing more than a "feel good" pill; You've shown me that there is much more to life than feeling good! You are NOT safe, Not in the slightest sense of the word. But You are Good You are a Good, Good King You are the Color in my chaos. Thank You Father... Thank You Jesus.
When haunting echoes ring Tighter to You I'll cling Within every little inch of me Teach my brokenness to sing to You. Take this little space and do with it what You are doing with my life Father: Take Over. Use it, use us, for Your glory. Heal Restore Remind Refresh Renew .
I am beyond thankful for anyone who has subscribed and shared any of these posts, and for both new and old readers I want to commit to bringing you along side this journey into the unknown. Goodness, I hate fear so much... May we move, with our eyes open wide, and find color in chaos through this Brave New World.